I read until the end section where they list the people who had died since the last issue. I found myself skimming names, then wondering what I was doing. I turned to the last page of names – people closer to my age – and just skimmed the last few names. It was then that I saw the name Christie Leigh Hutchins who lived in Missouri at the time of death. My heart sank.

Somehow then I knew it was my former mission companion and that she had killed herself. This is ironic because of all of my companions, she is the one who was most cheerful. In fact, her cheerfulness could get on my nerves. I remember her getting a package from someone with a bright yellow sweat suit with smiley faces drawn all over – even on the knees and across the chest. It drove me crazy. I had to ask her to please be more mellow in the mornings and when she put that on I probably rolled my eyes.

Chrisiti’s hair was super thick and curly. When she was high strung she twisted it around her fingers until her hair got so big it was like she had an afro. I laughed. Even though I’m much taller she walked faster than I did when we were tracting. It’s as if she couldn’t wait to get to the next house. She was anxiously engaged in this good cause.

The only other contact we had after being in New York was random – we were both in LA at church in the same bathroom at the same time. She mentioned being overweight, unhappy in her job and that she’d likely never get married. She seemed otherwise just as I remembered her. I remember hoping she’d find a job that she was happy with. I also hoped she’d find someone – I believe it’s much easier (though still unbelievably difficult) to suffer such things with a spouse than on your own.

I finally confirmed what I’d known. I called our mission president Marlin Jensen. He is a general authority and someone I look up to so much it was almost hard to call. I think I idolize him. He is so gentle, highly intelligent but humble and kind. I missed him but he called back and left a voicemail that I will quote from (he said I could):

“Following her mission, Chrisitie inexplicably began to have depression. She struggled mightily for a number of years. She got good professional help, medication and therapy but couldn’t pull out of it. She couldn’t even hold a job towards the end and had no social life. She was just a very depressed person and I guess it just got so unbearable she saw a way out and took it, which made us all terribly sad. I’m sure the Holy One of Israel who is keeper of the gate will usher her in.”

I cannot capture the way he said these words but they were kind and soothing. After hearing them I had another hard cry.

The Holy One and “prince of good things to come” is familiar with grief. He understands and has wept to see the pain that death can cause. Remember he cried when Lazareth died, even though he knew he would bring him back to life just minutes later.  It is this strong empathy — a quality I love to see in people. He even feels for you when your problems are your own fault – or as with Christie when she’d done what she could to overcome and that was all she could do.

I love this book called, “Deliverance from Depression” and another irony is the author’s last name has the word “grief” in it (G.G. Vandagrief). She had depression for 20 years and finally, through prayers and inspiration found a combination of drugs that works for her. Such a triumph! She says keep trying medications and pray for your doctor and encourage the person to keep going back if the medications are not helping. The risk of untreated depression is death – usually through suicide.

From the book: “The greatest test of that person’s life may be this depresssion and, if they endure that test to the best of their abilities, they may – with the Atonement of Christ – have done all that is necessary to enter the celestial kingdom.”

I wish Christie had found a combination of help that worked for her. But she didn’t and it’s ok. We’re each unique and must find our own answers. I highly recommend this post from someone I know who lost her sister to suicide.

Even though this is not the usually kind of story I write on blogs, I scoured the Internet and could find very little said about Christie. I needed to have a record of some sort about her besides my own journal – a public record. In case anyone else wonders and can’t find her. So I say this to my friend, hoping that it is now true for her: rest in peace Christie Leigh Hutchins.

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If you watched David Letterman last night then you might have seen one of our neighbors – Tyler and Nicole England. David Letterman choose Tyler England to feature on the show. He and Nicole were in the audience and the cameras were on them a few times.

“How did you get Jay Leno to do that Tostito’s commercial?”
Evidently the Englands were on the front row of the audience. Dave came out before the show to greet people and ask if anyone had any questions. Tyler innocently asked, how’d you get Jay Leno to be on that Tostito’s commercial?? David just laughed and laughed. He didn’t answer the question…at least not then.

After the monologue Dave told the story and the cameras turn to Tyler. He changed the show based on that question. He said they spent all this money on a commercial during a Superbowl to advertise Late Night with David Letterman and people thought it was a Tostito’s commercial! Then he tosses Tyler a bag of Tostito’s (this is also funny) and Tyler starts munching on them. It was a running joke throughout the show.

Read about it on Dave’s site: http://www.cbs.com/late_night/late_show/the_wahoo_gazette/

Here’s a clip from the show:

I was tipped off last night – thanks Cherise. Too bad we didn’t have enough warning to all go buy a bag of Tostito’s and some dip and head to the Englands to watch it with them.

Artist Charmaine Anderson

This is from Charmaine Anderson:

I have a new blog with just my paintings and prices with sizes and some information about the painting. The price will include a frame. Some of the frames were built by Mike and are special frames so I charge a little more for the paintings with these frames. Most other frames were purchased at Hobby Lobby.

Years ago an artist friend told me that her instructor advised her to paint as much as she could and sell cheap until she got famous so that is my philosophy. (You will find everything surprisingly reasonable compared to what is out there in original art.) I am pleased with my work considering that I have been painting for only 4 years. I always feel good to know that my friends have my paintings.

I am also willing to take commissions with no promises and no commitment for you to keep it if you are not pleased. I am not a portrait painter. If you are interested in coming by to see anything in person feel free to call me or e-mail at charmandy@comcast.net Here is the link: http://charmainespaintings.blogspot.com