In honor of the “Love your spouse challenge” thread that is so popular on Facebook right now, I wanted to talk about my marriage. Here’s how the whole thing works. You are supposed to post pictures of you and your husband no Facebook for a week, then tag two other couples. It’s like a chain letter to keep the celebration of love going. First, it got a little cheesy to me and second, I didn’t want to annoy my Facebook friends.
Then I saw this on Facebook – a single woman mocking the whole thing with photos of her with Jesus! He’s her man! You have to click to see them all because they’re so funny. They are going viral. Here’s one:
Now I’m laughing and I think how can I honor my spouse and be funny too?? Well, I came up with a way. Here you go…
10 Things I Do that Piss off My Husband, Stephen
- Leave a spoon or a knife out on the counter. It drives him crazy!
- Splatter food on the stovetop. Miss any of it when cleaning up.
- Run the dishwasher without putting up the signal (a paper towel that is placed beneath the dish drainer that hangs down over the top of the dishwasher).
- Drop food in the car crack (the space between the seats). Having food in the car at all is already risky, depending on his mood!
- Have mud or think about having dirt on your shoes. Example: Bjorn cannot get a job mowing lawns because then his feet will get dirty and he’ll track grass onto the carpet.
- Forget to wipe off the kitchen counter – which is about as bad as running out of Clorox wipes!
- Give him stuff or buy too much stuff. He hates stuff, trinkets especially. He says the word stuff like it’s a swear word.
- Overcrowding the freezer or our (small) pantry. Things need room to breathe! I once stored fruit in my car because I was afraid he’d get mad if I brought it inside.
- I’m late – although I’m significantly better than I used to be, I’m still late to church by a few minutes almost every Sunday he goes with me and it drives him crazy. He leaves without me!
- Letting terrorists into the house (little kids with a lot of extra energy who can make a mess).
Even More Things That Piss Stephen Off:
I have more than 10 things so rather than start a new list, I want to add…
– Dust on ledges, especially on the top of picture frames. He checks.
– Buying too much backup of anything. Do not stock up on things. That leads to crowding. As such you should avoid shopping at Costco because everything you buy there will take up too much space!
– Suggesting that you buy an extra freezer or fridge. Don’t get him going by bringing this up, he will not relent!
– Junk drawers or messy closets or basements with things sitting on the ground! It must be on shelves!
– Leaving the door unlocked or worse yet, open. This is rare but a major offense. He will check the entire house to see if anything is missing.
– Breaking an HOA or financial adviser rule (he knows and follows them all, which is as close to being religious as he gets!). That means no swing sets in the back yard and no, he will not join your MLM business (sorry).
BONUS: What Makes Stephen Happy
I also know how to make my husband happy (no, I’m not going to go into all of the reasons here)…
Scratch his back or head. I say he’s sort of like a dog and call him Rover!
Give him a hand or foot massage. He literally could spend the entire day just getting massaged!
Let him take a nap. Preferably on a road trip with his favorite blanket (the Eddie Bauer one).
Get your chores done early and/or do his chores.
Vaccum. It turns him on.
Let him get into uniform when he gets home from work – grey knit shorts and a tshirt with tennis shoes.
Take him out for great prime rib.
His financial calculator app.
Our mattress. Almost a year later and he still brings it up regularly, how much we love it.
Copper Chef pans, they are his favorite pans and they make him excited to cook because nothing sticks to these pans and they go from stove to oven and are lightweight.
His coffee maker. I don’t drink coffee so I don’t care but he raves about his coffee maker a lot!
His financial calculator app. $5 and works across his phone and iPad. It replaced the manual one that was $100 that recently broke.
You know how people say that opposites attract? Well they’ve been attracting for us for over 8 years now, because we are not alike! But we have fun together and that my friends is the secret to keeping us from killing each other. Err, I mean, to keeping the fires of love burning!
Love always to my babe, Stephen!!